Utah Mama

Praising What is Working: The Part We Sometimes Forget

We’re three weeks into the new school year and there are a lot of things I’d like to “fix.”  Don’t leave your backpacks in the middle of kitchen.  Make your bed before you leave.  No more calling mom to deliver the homework you left on the counter.  But more important than “fixing” these problems is cheering for the things that are working.  If I pause for a moment to think, there are lots of good behavoirs I don’t want to go away.  Just before dinner tonight, I took five minutes and made some little awards.

Thirteen got “Making it to School on Time Award.”  This has been a struggle these weeks with a painful consequence.  (She doesn’t like riding her bicycle to school when she misses her carpool.  What junior high kid wants to carry a bike helmet around?)  As important as the consequence is the cheer when she is getting it right.  Sometimes I skip that part.

Ten got the “Balance Award.”  This kid can handle violin, piano, school choir, dance, swim team . . . does she even know that she’s remarkable?  I’m glad we told her.

Eight got the “Positive Attitude Award.”  Sure all her best friends are in the other class.  Sure she spends recess looking for them.  But happiness can be a choice.  And she’s choosing it.  I can’t take this for granted.

Now Three might not need an award.  As the baby of the family, she gets cheers all day long.  But I gave her the “Making New Friends Award.”  At preschool she made friends with a girl with, “brown eyes and a purple dress.”  Maybe this week she’ll figure out what her name is.

In The Power of Positive Parenting, Glenn Latham says 90% of the behavior we don’t like is age typical “junk” that will eventually disappear.  More important than fixing  this junk, is praising what we hope to see more.  Sometimes I get this backwards.  Tonight at least, I got it right.