Utah Mama

Don’t judge a mother by her gear. I’m still in the game.

There is this awesome mother of six young children I see at my daughter’s soccer games. Twice a week, she strolls onto the field with close to the same supplies she might need to keep her kiddos happy on a three day camping trip: tarp for the ground, blankets, changes of clothes, snacks, shade umbrella, diapers, bottles, hand held toys and games.

Whenever I see her, I feel a titch guilty.  Though I never did it with as much grace, I have totally been there–just not anymore. For me, going to the soccer game means calling out, “Let’s go!” and getting into the car. And that’s it. If I remember to bring a water bottle, it is usually for me.

Kids grow. And one day without car seats, strollers, diaper bags, blankets, or shopping cart covers, you can just get in the car and go places. They even buckle themselves.

This is not to say things are easy–just different. When one phase of motherhood ends, another opens. I may look like a woman of leisure sitting alone with my small purse at the soccer field, but let’s be clear: I am far from done.

Take today. My children needed to be spread from swim team to a birthday party to voice lessons to soccer practice at the same time. Seriously? How is that done? We still eat together often, but today I set chicken sandwiches and corn on the stove with a note. Ultimately, it was the only way to get everyone fed.

When we all arrived home, there was a brief battle over who had dibs on the piano and whose turn it was to bring in the garbage cans. Between helping one daughter with her recital piece, I helped another (albeit not very well) with her 4th grade math homework.  Meanwhile, my teen was busy double checking her egg drop science project (it won’t crack on the way down tomorrow will it?) and updating her Facebook status (I keep an eye on this.) Most all of this action occurred while my four-year-old salted tomatoes and made herself a very large bowl of vanilla yogurt.

When it should have been time for pajamas, it was too noisy to say so. They were all too busy telling me about school pictures on Friday and do you know where I left my earrings and can you please buy sugar cubes for my Egyptian pyramid project and you won’t believe the text Samantha sent me tonight . . .

There are no pacifiers or diapers. No one needs to be rocked to sleep. But closing up shop at the end of the day is tough. And when I finally close my own eyes, there is plenty to worry about. How much is too much? Amidst school and lessons and schedules are they learning work? Is her piece going to be ready for the recital? Is she texting too much? Are they growing up kind? Will she have someone to walk home with tomorrow?  Is she going to be ready for high school next year? Did I say what they needed to hear tonight?

I read a sweet blog this week from a friend crying about her twins starting kindergarten. She felt that their childhood was over and wondered if she had done enough or wasted any of the precious time.

I say take heart. Even if your baby did start school this week, it is far from over. What feels like an ending is the beginning of a new phase of motherhood. A new way for them to need you. Truly, much of the most challenging work is still ahead. And while that sounds daunting, it is also good news. This gig goes on for a long time. Even when they buckle themselves, update their own Facebook status, and salt their own tomatoes–they still need us.

As this new school year begins, I might be light on gear, but don’t let my tiny purse at the soccer game deceive you. I am still very much in the game.

And as hard as it is, glad of it.