Excuse me, but I have to vent for just a minute. Because frankly, I am a little confused. I am confused at why young tween and teenage girls think it is normal to be so aggressive and over the top in professing their undying love to teenage boys.
I am not for one moment pretending I did not have crush after crush when I was in middle school and ninth grade. But that is just it. I had lots of crushes. They changed every week and I didn’t think it appropriate to throw myself at a boy and declare my undying love to them. (Because guess what, it was not forever love)
As the mother of a 14 year old boy, I have seen how aggressive girls are these days. I have seen how this affects the male gender. And I can promise you that while my son likes being called cute, he does not enjoy being relentlessly pursued or told by a girl (13 years old) that she will never never break his heart. It is overwhelming for these young boys to be expected to have such strong romantic feelings or to feel obligated to honor such a long commitment.
Most boys this age are not Edwards yet (and if they were I would be just a tad worried. Because in real life that kind of obsession from a teenage guy could really be a red flag).
I am not bragging about my son here. (I am hoping there are other mothers dealing with this issue). I am a little unsure how to deal with this. I choose to laugh most days because it is getting a little ridiculous. I laugh because I am also a little freaked out. You may choose to think what I have to tell you is cute. I am a little disturbed by it all, and I feel a little sorry for my son and for the girls who continue to basically throw themselves at him.
A few uncomfortable examples:
My son came home and told us that some girl had declared her undying love for him. My son is not bragging either, he is a little overwhelmed by the attention. Especially when said girl wrote all her flowery feelings down in a letter. Apparently there were similes and metaphors involved in the writing and although I did not read it (he crumpled it up and threw it away) some of the things this girl said about my son’s eyes make me really embarrassed for her. It also made me laugh really hard, which also makes me embarrassed for her. My son doesn’t really know her well. Her friend told her she should take more risks and she did. Nice but stupid friend. Unfortunately, this girl and her friends continue to push this girl onto my son at dances and events. My son tries to remain a gentleman while maintaining his distance.
This is not the first incident of this kind of teenage girl love that same month. A few weeks earlier a girl asked (out of the blue) if he would be her boyfriend. This girl is actually a good friend of his but he told me she reminds him of his sister. Thank heavens he didn’t say that to her.
He politely declined and told her he couldn’t go on dates until he was 16 and that he had a relationship before that turned out bad. I thought he handled it well. He was a little concerned. The girl did not come to school the next day.
“She will be fine,” I told him. “At least you didn’t tell her she reminded you of your sister.” (I realize that as a member of the female gender, I should be a little more sensitive for the girl. But I may have been in mama bear mode at the moment)
I have had to tell some of my daughter’s 10 -year -old friends to leave my son alone too. One of them told him she would pay for his movie ticket if he would please just come with my daughter and her friends to the movies. My poor daughter.
And anyway why are all these girls so aggressively going after boys? Do they really think that flowery love notes saying “I will never break your heart” to a 13 year old boy are going to make those boys feel anything but uncomfortable. And 13 year old boys — at least most of them — are uncomfortable when you throw yourselves at them and they have to try and be gentlemen and not hurt your feelings. Because as my son and so many other boys his age know well already, when you hurt a girl’s feelings you also offend her circle of friends and that never turns out pretty.
So here is my plea to young tweens and teens and their parents:
Please young girls restrain your raging hormones. Boys do not want to feel cornered by your undying love when they are 13. They may like you, it’s true. Probably just not quite as much as you think you like them. It is not doing anything for your dignity to behave this way on a regular basis.
Parents, (and this includes me) please don’t laugh this off. Because first of all there are boys that will take unfair advantage of this behavior. And they are usually responding to a much more physical impulse rather than an emotional one. Secondly, we need to help our daughters understand that just because it is normal on TV shows or in YA romance books that does not mean that deeply intense romantic relationships are really the everyday norm for kids — these young boys may be fun to flirt with or hang out with or talk to but they are unprepared to deal with adult relationship ideals.
Just a sidenote: I realize that girls are not the only ones to blame for giving into their hormonal romantic urges. I just think we are ignoring this trend coming from our daughters and we are writing it off as cute or funny. I realize there are plenty of boys who need to be taught the meaning of appropriate touching and the meaning of the words “hands off.” But that is a topic for another day.